It is past the new year and you know what this means. It’s time for a recap! Christina takes a look back at her recently concluded trip to Alaska. Listen in as Christina gives us an honest look at what happened during her vacation, and gives us an update on her relationship, and shares the rest of what happened. Full of honesty and self-reflection, you do not want to miss this!
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What Went Down On My Alaska Trip
It appears that I owe all of you an update on my Alaska trip. This trip happened in the first week of December 2021. It’s a very disappointing explanation. If you were all hoping for me to win or have some sort of win, that is not the case. The week before I flew out, which was Thanksgiving week, I got a phone call. It was FaceTime with him. We solidified our plans. We got everything situated and knew that we would see each other, and all that fun stuff. I got there late Wednesday night. He had reached out Thursday, and we made plans for that Friday to see each other. Everything was planned out. It was talked up. Let’s just say, he was all talk and no action. He talked it up big on Thursday night, and we were thrilled to see each other.
Friday comes around and that afternoon, he lets me know that he has to work late and can’t get off when he had originally planned. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t doubt that work probably got in the way. It was a Friday. He was planning on leaving around 2:30 in the afternoon and didn’t typically get off until 5:00. I get it. I’m not going to sit here and be like, “He lied to me. Work wasn’t the issue.” It most likely was. I didn’t push it. I was like, “Whatever.” Saturday, I asked if we could make plans for Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday night because I had those nights available. I didn’t leave until Tuesday midnight.
It’s not like I didn’t have time to meet with him. I tried to make those plans. Saturday, I was like, “Do you think we could hang out Sunday, Monday or Tuesday night?” He knew what my plans were. He knew where I was going Sunday. He knew what I was doing every other day. He knew that evenings were what was going to work. He had asked me if I was still going to do whatever I had planned for Sunday. I said yes but we would be back in the evening. It was not like we would be gone all night long.
The response I got after telling him that my plan for going to Chena Hot Springs that day was still a go, but we would be back around 5:00 or 6:00, he sent me a message and was like, “I will let you know.” That was Saturday night. I’m like, “That is that. I’m not going to push it any further.” He made plans for Friday and he bailed. I tried to make plans for another night and he just said, “I will let you know.” I didn’t get anything out of him after that. He chose another route because he had posted on his Instagram story that he was out. I was like, “That tells me where I stand on your totem pole,” which is fairly low and that sucks.
I continued on my week and got to Tuesday afternoon. I sent him a message and was like, “What happened? Did we decide that this was not something we wanted to do anymore or what? All you had to do was say it. You didn’t have to make plans with me and then bail.” It was so frustrating. He was like, “Work and life seem to keep getting in the way.” I’m like, “That means you didn’t want to. All you had to do was to say, ‘I decided that this is not what I wanted,’ and we could move forward. No big deal.” That was not what I got. I got more of work and life kept getting in the way. I was like, “I’m disappointed that that didn’t go as planned, and that we had talked for two months.” That was that and I haven’t spoken to him since.
I decided to remove him from my Instagram. I removed myself from his Instagram. I had a friend who was like, “Why would you remove him off your Instagram? Why not let him remove himself off your Instagram?” I’m like, “Because he will watch and like everything, but he is not going to remove himself from my Instagram.” I felt that it was better for my mental health to remove him from my Instagram. My Instagram is public. It’s not a secret. Anybody can go and see all of my posts if they wanted to. They could watch my Instagram stories, even though they were not following me. If it was that big of a deal to him to continue a friendship by following me on Instagram, then he can go ahead and follow me back on Instagram, and then send me a message and be like, “What the fuck?” We are adults. Communication in any relationship is important. I know sometimes we all avoid communication, but if he wanted to, he would.
My ex-husband left me. Excuse me while I try not to get emotional over any of this because it’s fucking stupid. Therefore, the classic response for eight years of my marriage was that everything was always my fault. I was always doing something wrong, that’s why he was doing what he was doing. He was staying late at work, having an affair in employment, and was doing this because I was doing something wrong. It was always something I was doing wrong.
In turn, I know that I could have done things better, but was it entirely my fault? Absolutely not. I have learned over the last years that I could have done some things differently, but it was not entirely my fault. I have learned to accept some things, I could have done differently. I have learned to get myself to understand that I was not the only issue or problem. He was a problem also.Communication is important in any relationship. Click To Tweet
Naturally, in this new situationship, casual relationship, or whatever the fuck people call it these days, which is so fucking stupid. It’s so dumb. Why do you bother with a casual relationship? What is the point in that? I get it. The point would be you get the physical and bedroom benefits without committing to somebody. If that is your style, that is cool. I originally understood and accepted that the line was drawn in the sand, and this was a casual relationship. I knew that had I seen him in December 2021, I most likely would have never talked to him again after that.
I was okay with that, except I had feelings as well. I used to be a hoe before I got married. I could do the nasty and not have any feelings for anyone whatsoever, and dip out the next day like it was nobody’s business. I had a lot of casual relationships before I got married. I understand what the casual part is. You get your needs met without having to commit to anybody because back then, I didn’t give a shit. I had come out of an abusive relationship. I was 21, 22. I decided that I wanted to have fun and go crazy, so I did. I have mastered detachment.
When it comes to a casual relationship, I can do that. However, in this instance, I got through eight years of marriage. I have been dead inside since my ex-husband ended that marriage. I have been divorced. I have no soul. This man was the first to come forward and make me feel like I could have feelings. He made me feel better than I had initially anticipated. When I started talking to him, I wasn’t expecting anything more than casual. I wasn’t even expecting casual. I was expecting someone to talk to and keep me entertained, someone to keep my mind occupied when I’m not working or when I’m not with my kids.
That was what I saw that as. It turned into a little bit more than just friends and talking. It was like, “Come visit.” I made those plans and then he bailed. I did not initially plan on going out there to see him anyways. He was just an added bonus. There were two other people there that I had planned to see while I was there. If I saw him, it was an added bonus. Although we had plans to see each other for quite some time, I wasn’t expecting anything more. I was fully aware of the fact that if I went to Alaska and saw this person, I knew that there was going to be an 80% chance that I would sleep with him and never speak to him again, and he never speak to me again.
I just did not expect him not to follow through. It’s that all talk and no action. I removed him off my Instagram mainly because I found myself sitting here thinking, “What did I do wrong?” We jumped back to how everything in my marriage was my fault. I sit here and I’m like, “Where did it all go wrong? What happened?” I don’t understand where it went wrong, why it went wrong or if it even went wrong at all or it just faded. You hear that phrase, “If he wanted to, he would.” If I wanted to, I would. Are we both sitting here saying, “If she wanted to, she would,” and “If he wanted to, he would,” and neither of us is doing anything because we are sitting here thinking that the other person would do it if they wanted to?
That is what goes through my head. If he wanted to, he would, but then again, if I wanted to, I would. In my instance, I knew that line was drawn in the sand. I didn’t want to push and be like, “I have feelings for you too. I would like to see where this goes but you bailed on me,” or whatever the case may be. Maybe it’s not meant to be anything.
That is the gist of my whole saga with my visit to Alaska. I had a great time. Although it may not have seemed like I had a great time, I did have a great time. I love being up there. I don’t know what it is about Alaska, but I just love it. I would go back multiple times a year, regardless of whether or not I see him. I don’t even speak to him and I have not in months now. I would go up there regardless because I love it up there. It’s refreshing. My trip was not completely ruined because he was just an added bonus. I got to see my friends. We went to Chena Hot Springs. It snowed the last day I was there, which was great. I wasn’t expecting it to snow while I was there at all, but I love when it’s actively snowing outside. It’s beautiful and quiet. It’s almost like you could meditate in it but it is fucking cold, so you don’t.
That is my update on Alaska. There is not much more to it other than the man was all talk and no action, which is quite disappointing. It was a letdown. Onto bigger and better things, I have been sitting here trying to decide if I’ll join a dating app or not. I’m not going to meet somebody if I don’t leave my house because I work from home. When I’m not working, I’m working. When I’m not working but working, I don’t go anywhere. I don’t leave. That was fun. I don’t know what to do. I told you my update was going to be disappointing, and I’m sorry for that. Who knows? Maybe the future might be a little more exciting.