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Tuesdays With Tim: Let Your Kid Talk To You Not The Internet With Tim

 

No thanks to technology, today’s kids are getting more spoiled every day. How can you be there for your kids and get them to talk to you, face to face? Get some expert parenting advice with your host, Christina and her guest Tim. Join them as they discuss various topics about parenting, from mental health issues to questioning sexuality. Learn how children can fabricate lies so that they can fit in with their friends. Go and talk with your children so that they don’t end up searching for misinformation on the internet.

Listen to the podcast here:

Tuesdays With Tim: Let Your Kid Talk To You Not The Internet With Tim

Parenting in 2021. How are we supposed to do it? How are we supposed to parent this?

I don’t know.

My children are turning 15 and 14 in September 2021. My son is very much like me in the fact that he wants to play video games with his buds and that’s it. If he can play video games with his buds, then he’s a happy camper. He complains a little bit when I ask him to do chores. I was like, “Son, do chores or something to help out around the house.” His middle name is Ryan so we will say his first name then is whining because he whines. Even now, he whines about dumb crap like, “I want to go to the waterpark because I had something to play with my friends.” It’s like, “Your family is more important. It’s time to go hang out with your family.”

Besides that, sometimes he gets in these moods where he wants to pick on a sister, which is a completely normal, almost fifteen-year-old thing to do. He does these things that I find hilarious because I remember being his age and picking up on my little sisters. I totally get it. Where my fault lies is sometimes, I will see my daughter doing something to him that’s completely normal for her age but it’s something that my sisters used to do to me.

For example, “Why do I only need to take care of the dishes?” They take turns. One person puts up the dishes, one person does the dishes. They both hate doing the dishes because putting up the dishes is easier. My wife was like, “Autumn, go take care of the dishes. Have your brother put them up and you just do them.” Autumn didn’t say a word. She went to put the dishes up and said, “Aiden, mom said you do the dishes.” I walk in there and Breanne is like, “What just happened?” I was like, “Did you come in here and put the dishes up so you had to make your brother do the dishes? You are cleaning the kitchen for a week. Congratulations.”

I walked away and my wife is like, “A week? Let’s just do it tonight. She could do the dishes. A week is seven times the punishment.” I come down on her a lot. 2021 is a lot different from when we were being raised because of the access to the internet. I will preach from the rooftops that a lot of the things that she says that she’s dealing with are coming from the idea that she got from the internet.

YGYG Tim Parenting | Proper Parenting Advice

Proper Parenting Advice: If your child does not have a cell phone yet, get him/her one, but make sure to lock it with parental control.

 

When we were her age, there wasn’t too much access to the internet. When we were in high school, I spent a lot of time on Myspace and LimeWire.

I was trying not to get a virus on LimeWire. You are trying to make the coolest CD you could make in the CD player of your vehicle if you have one.

We are downloading music illegally. That was the worst thing you could possibly do online.

You could do that and then you can make a mixtape on a CD for a friend, and then try to HTML code your Myspace so that when somebody sees my Myspace they are like, “Your Myspace is sick.” It plays a song when you go there. When that came out, I was like, “Oh.”

We all learned how to use HTML codes in freaking high school because, in Myspace, you had to copy and paste your HTML code.

I had it right the whole time. I fought hard against them getting cell phones. I did not want them to get cell phones. If they did get cell phones straight up, go to the very back of the store and be like, “This cheap phone that you have that can text and make phone calls? Let’s get them that.” My wife decided against that and said, “We need to buy them iPhones. That way, when we are on a road trip, they can play games or they can watch good movies on Netflix.” She talked me into getting them iPhones. I don’t use Apple products. I don’t like Apple products. They corner you into using only their programs.

The fact that I can take a music file now and upload it to Spotify, Windows Media Player, and seventeen different things online. If you take an Apple Music file, you can only use that with Apple Music. Do you want to take an MP4 file and you want to put it on your iTunes? No. You have to convert it to Apple. It’s a cult. Anybody that uses Apple is part of a cult. I will stick to that. What I do like about that though, is that I can go on the cloud and I can set it so where any text messages, phone calls, and pictures that you send, I can see it all in the cloud.

Kids are being raised differently now because of the access to the internet. Click To Tweet

Apple has good parental control. I will admit, my boys have iPads but they are parental-controlled. They play Roblox and Minecraft. They have YouTube Kids and Netflix on it.

Never let them get normal YouTube.

My dad got my oldest son an iPhone. He’s only eight but we did it because he’s going back and forth between my house and his dad’s house. It’s in our divorce decree that he has to have a way to contact me that’s not his dad or his dad’s girlfriend’s phone.

We had the GizmoWatch but he kept taking it off and he wouldn’t wear it. We were like, “If we go get him an iPhone, we can FaceTime him.” That was a big thing. I don’t have to call my ex-husband’s phone to FaceTime him. I can just FaceTime my oldest son’s phone. He’s learning how to text and he’s learning how to read so we chalked it up to, “Ideally, it’s helping your vocabulary and reading.” The parental controls on it are locked. He can’t get on the internet. He can’t do anything. The only game he has on it is Angry Birds.

If I could go back five years because they were 8 and 7 when they’ve got iPhones and increased parental controls, I would do it in a heartbeat. If you have a child that does not have a cell phone yet and you are thinking about getting one, give them a cell phone. Who cares? Angry Birds, they can call you, they can text you but lock the crap out of it. Do not let them access the internet. This is why my daughter has self-diagnosed herself with everything that she reads.

This is where my struggle is. I don’t know if it has something to do with wanting to have status or wanting to fit in. I have no idea. It changes with the flavor of what it is. I will be frank and honest with you. It has been tough for my wife and me because I took her out on our daddy-daughter date and she was like, “I’m super depressed.” I’m like, “What’s going on?” She was like, “Sometimes, I stand in the shower and I think about using my razor that I use to shave my legs, then my depression will go away.” That’s a major red flag. That’s suicidal ideation so it’s like, “Holy cow. What’s going on?”

YGYG Tim Parenting | Proper Parenting Advice

Proper Parenting Advice: Everyone has questioned their sexuality at least once. Especially when you’re young and confused, you don’t really know what sexuality means.

 

We went to a red flag alert. We called a psychiatrist. We called this, that and the other. We started paying attention a little bit more. She says that she has insomnia. She has an eating disorder. She’s bisexual but she could be pansexual. She’s not sure. All of these things. I understand mental illness well with PTSD. My wife suffers from crippling panic attacks and anxiety. She takes medication and I play video games. We are fine mentally. I have my psychologist. She’s a boss. I talk to her often.

I have never met somebody with everything. I have met somebody that’s had insomnia, struggling with their sexual identity, suffers from suicidal ideations, depression and an eating disorder but you can’t take the entire list of things that could be wrong and say, “I have all of them.” I’m like, “What does an eating disorder mean?” She’s like, “Sometimes, I wake up and I’m not hungry and I don’t eat all day.”

I said, “That’s not an eating disorder.” She’s like, “There are girls that just don’t eat.” I’m like, “Explain depression to me. What do you mean you have depression?” She’s like, “I’m depressed. My life is horrible.” I’m like, “Why?” She’s like, “It’s because I can’t go to school and hang out with my friends.” She’s sad. It’s like walking this line of not wanting to devalue her words like, “It’s not a big deal,” because it is a huge deal. You also don’t want to believe everything that comes into your kid’s mouth and bend over backward to get them on medication and do this and that. I also want to be able to give her sound advice and be able to walk her through what she’s going through and help her through it. At the same time, I don’t want to jump straight to, “Here’s a psychiatrist. Here’s Lexapro, sleeping medication and stuff that will help you eat.”

You don’t want to do that because she self-diagnosed herself with all of those things. It doesn’t mean she has what she thinks she does. Have you guys thought of maybe trying to have her go to a psychologist?

That’s what we are talking about. We are going to take her to my psychologist in October 2021 when we visit. I already sent her an email and asked if she could do that. She’s like, “I would love to sit down with her.” I talked about it when we were sitting down at coffee. She is manipulating in her words. She knows what gets her mom’s attention. She knows what gets my attention.

I gave my wife an example when she’s at work. I wake up every morning. She’s got a big full-size bed so I will go lay next to her in her bed and be like, “What’s up? Talk to me. What’s on your mind? Do you have any questions? Do you have any comments? Do you have any concerns? What’s going on in your life?” We sit there and talk for 10 to 15 minutes. We do that Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, the days that my wife works. We have breakfast together because she said that she needs to be helped to be reminded to eat. I’m like, “I can have breakfast with you. That’s not a big deal.” I will make her some eggs or whatever.

Everyone needs to be reminded to eat. I wake up and I don’t eat breakfast. By the time 2:00 rolls around, I’m like, “Holy crap. I haven’t had anything to eat today.”

We have breakfast together. They do their virtual academy stuff. I’m answering questions all day. “I’m making this for dinner. I have to run to the store. Do you want anything from the store?” “Can you grab me a bag of Takis, a Sprite or something?” I grab her some of her favorite stuff and come home, and it’s a great day. My wife gets home from work and walks into the kitchen where I’m cooking. We have a little Amazon Echo. I don’t like loud noises and loud things. It’s chaos. There’s only one reason why chaos should be happening. If something bad is happening, there’s chaos.

I don’t want me trying to speak to my wife while my daughter is playing music at volume ten on our Amazon Echo blaring in the kitchen and the dogs start barking. She will walk over the Amazon Echo and be like, “Google, play,” and play one of her weird anime songs or something from one of her favorite anime shows. It would be blaring ten then she would go over to my wife’s little dogs. It’s funny, on my phone, now I have the most popular anime songs of 2020.

She will go to the dogs and start howling. My wife’s three little dogs will start howling and barking. We went from the whole house is quiet, I’m listening to what I was listening to on volume two, I’m cooking, chilling and quiet to the dogs are howling, barking and the music is blasting. It’s triggering. I will pop off and say something, and then she will be like, “Why do you always do this to me? Why do you always get mad at me? Why do you always say this to me?” In turn, my wife is like, “It sucks that you guys never get along.” I’m like, “We get along all day long.”

We talked about it a little bit with coffee. It’s almost like a manipulation tactic to where I have this horrible relationship with my father. We talked to some of her friends’ parents. My wife talked to some of my daughter’s friends’ moms. They had this little mom meeting. Every single one of her friends, one dad is a drunk, one dad beats his wife and his son. He doesn’t hurt the daughter but he’s extremely physically abusive. The other dad walked down on his wife and cheated on her multiple times.

I get what she’s trying to do. She feels that maybe she needs a crappy dad or something.

My summary of it is she’s trying to fit in with her friends so she’s trying to create situations and scenarios that push me to the edge of being a crappy dad so that she could go back to her friends and be like, “My dad did this.” I told my daughter, “I have never abused you.” For me, abuse is black and white. There’s physical, emotional and, heaven forbid, sexual. The third one is out of the window. The first one, physical, I have never. She’s like, “Yes, you have.” I’m like, “Enlighten me because spanking is not physical abuse in my opinion.”

I’m like, “That was something that immediately, you needed a reminder like, ‘You are not listening,’ pop, then you start listening.” She’s like, “There was one time, I was ignoring you because I didn’t want to do what you wanted me to do, you turned around fast and you scared me so I backed up and I hit my head on the chalkboard. You scared me because you could turn around fast. That’s physical abuse.” I’m like, “I didn’t touch you.” She’s like, “No.” I’m like, “Did I raise my fist or pretend I was going to hit you or pretend I was going to push you or anything?” She’s like, “No, but you scared me because I told you no and you turned around quickly. When you turned around quickly, you scared me like you were going to hit me.”

When your child is struggling with what they think is a mental issue, don't devalue their words. Give them advice. Click To Tweet

I’m like, “Have I ever hit you like that?” She’s like, “No.” I’m like, “You’ve got scared of your own fruition. You backed up into a chalkboard.” I remember this. The chalkboard has that little ledge on the bottom where you put the chalk in. She hit her head right on the corner. Her head started bleeding. I’m like, “That was when you were seven. We were in our old house that we lived off at 75th Avenue in Peoria. That was 2015. That was so long ago but you remember that vividly like I physically abused you.” She’s like, “Yes.” I’m like, “That’s a problem. Do you remember what happened after that?” She was like, “I know. That’s the day that I lost trust in you.”

I’m like, “Do you remember what happened after that? All sort of discipline.” She just told me no. I’m going to whoop her ass. It all stopped. “I picked you up. I went and got some ice cubes in the bag and some paper towels. We sat on the couch and I put it on your head. We talked and I asked if you are okay. Everything was fine. What happened to that part? That’s the day that you lost trust?” That’s when I started looking at her phone.

There are different opinions about this all across different types of parenting. I was their age once and I want to make sure that A) My son is being appropriate to women, B) My daughter is not fabricating lies to her friends so much because I firmly believe that if you tell a lie long enough, it becomes your truth.

I went and looked through all of her phone conversations with all of her girlfriends because she said, “You could look at my phone. I don’t care if you look at my phone conversations with my guy friends but some of my personal girlfriends, I don’t want you to look through my conversations because I talk about you and I talk about girl stuff.” I and my wife talked about it. I said, “That’s fair. There should be some privacy if a thirteen-year-old girl wants to talk to another thirteen-year-old girl that’s a close friend about her period or something personal. Whatever girls talk about, that’s personal. I could understand giving that private space to talk about stuff, be thirteen-year-olds and be weird. I totally get that and I respect that. Now, I don’t care.”

I went through those phone conversations and she’s telling her friends all these lies. They are like, “My dad does that, too or my dad did that the other day.” Her poor friend confirmed from her mom that her dad is extremely physically abusive. She was telling her friends, “My dad is, too. He’s hit my mom before. I don’t know if I should call the cops. I’m not sure if I should do this.” There are thousands of text messages of fabrications and lies. She’s made this all in her head of who I am. Once I showed that to my wife, the past month or so has been better because my wife is starting to see through her crap and being like, “That’s not your dad. You could stop doing that now.”

Have you sat down and had a conversation with her that she could go to jail.

We go on daddy-daughter dates every other Wednesday.

I know but telling people that could result in the cops showing up at your house one day taking you away. I feel like she should probably be scared a little bit in that sense. Maybe that’s something to think about. You and Breanne can sit down and be like, “How do we maybe approach this situation?” If your relationship is great and she doesn’t want you to go anywhere, then you scare her.

To get back to the depression and bisexual, maybe pansexual, coming from a conservative Christian background, that’s hard for me. Religion could be one of our topics, too. I have a different approach when it comes to homosexuality, bisexuality and all those things. My job is to love people. That’s what I’m called to do. Love your neighbor as yourself. This is the greatest commandment. I take that to heart and I believe that. What you do in the bedroom is none of my business. I don’t care who it’s with you. I don’t care if it’s the same sex with seventeen other people and you have parties every single weekend. That’s none of my business. I love you as a person because that’s you.

That’s my stance on homosexuality, transsexuality and all of it. It’s like, “I love you for you. I don’t care what you do. It’s none of my business.” I have to take that same stance with my daughter now like, “You are my own flesh and blood. Maybe I dreamed of you having a husband, kids and grandkids but if that’s not your path, that’s not your path but I’m still going to love you. Nothing has ever going to change that.” When she heard that, she said that she can’t wait to get married and have kids and then I realized it was Pride Month when she brought all that up. I looked at her YouTube history in that month and sure enough, it’s all this Pride stuff. All the history and where it came from.

She was confused and was learning something new for her.

She’s like, “Do I like girls?” I can be candid in saying that we all ask our questions at least once. I remember in middle school, the same age as them hearing about homosexuality like guys liking guys. There were a couple of cheerleaders that were dudes and I was confused. It’s because of my upbringing and being homeschooled, I had no clue. My dad’s opinion, I will not share because I love him. It’s his old-school mentality. That’s what I have been raised around. When I saw Dustin, Oscar and a couple of those guys, I specifically remember like, “Could I? No. I like girls. I’m a boobs guy.”

The thought has crossed my mind even as an adult. We get to a certain age and I’m single so the question arises. All these different couples have girlfriends or they watch their significant other do it with someone else. The question arises like, “If I were ever in that situation, could I do that with another woman?” I sit there and I go, “No.”

My wife and I are like, “No.”

I have a friend, him and his fiancé, that’s their niche. More power to them. I’m not there for it.

I’m a super jealous person so it wouldn’t work.

YGYG Tim Parenting | Proper Parenting Advice

Proper Parenting Advice: The difference between kids back then and kids now is their access to information. Be the parent that protects them from harmful information. When they have a question, you could learn about it together.

 

I prefer to stay away from the roast beef.

You don’t want to go to Arby’s for dinner?

I can admit that I may question it here and there like, “Do I really want to be with a man again? Can I just go find one of the masculine women?”

I have joked with my buddies. Don’t take offense to this because it’s true. How much easier would my life be if I was married to a dude that liked all the same things that I did? Larry the Cable Guy said it in a comedy special, “I would be gay if it wasn’t for the sex. We would sit around, watch football and drink beer all day. We just hang out.” It would be great until you had to go to the bedroom and you are like, “Hell no. Not my thing.” If I found a dude that just wanted to play video games with me, watch football on Sundays and ride dirt bikes on Saturdays, there are thousands of dudes like that but there’s no physical contact.

That’s what’s called a bromance. That’s what your best friend is for. You don’t have to sleep together and hang out all the time. You play video games and you do what you want.

You are married and it’s like, “I’ve got to go.” “Yes, I know.” We call it wife aggro. Have you ever heard that term before?

No, I haven’t.

I’m going to give you some video game nerd talk. When you are playing a video game, you can walk into a room that’s full of bad guys. If you get too close to the bad guy, you aggravate him and he starts attacking you so then you have to, as a team, kill the bad guy. We call it aggro because you aggravated the enemies to get him to attack you. When somebody has a wife aggro, that means that they have to go because they’ve got into close proximity of their wife and now the wife is attacking him. He’s got to get off the video game and go hang out with his wife like, “Guys, I’ve got a wife aggro. I’ve got to get going.” It’s a thing.

Back to parenting, the difference between when we were kids and kids now is their access to information. I always thought that I was going to be the parent that was going to protect them from information that I didn’t want them to see unless they had a question about it and we can learn about it together. I would have loved to be the person sitting down explaining to her during Pride Month what it means, what bisexuality, homosexuality, pansexuality and transgender are.

Explaining all of these things to her from a parent to a child, and then also walking her through like, “You are saying that you are feeling sad.” Not her watching how-to videos on depression, suicide and all of these things that are completely 100% accessible on YouTube. You can find stuff on YouTube that is like, “What it means to be depressed? What are the signs that you are depressed? Ten things that happened during your day that proved that you have depression.”

Her whole YouTube history was all depression. When you tell yourself something enough times, you believe it and it becomes your truth and your reality. She sat there and took in all this information from God knows what sources about Pride Month, depression, insomnia and eating disorders that now she goes out of her way to make sure that she fits those criteria. I’m like, “As a parent, it feels so disheartening and sad almost.” I have worked twelve hours a day, plus went to school after work.

My wife has stayed home, sacrificed her career, her time and her doing what she wanted to do. We have had money struggles. We have moved a bunch of times in the military from Arizona to here. We have always made sure that the basics are taken care of as far as a roof, a bed, great food, love and family nights but also all the extra things. Those kids are spoiled as hell compared to my childhood.

I know that my parents were working their ass off, too. My mom ran a daycare out of her house for fifteen-plus kids. My dad worked construction from 6:00 AM until 6:00 PM every night. They did as best as they could to provide us with the things that we needed to succeed. All three of us kids have succeeded. Hopefully, her boyfriend proposes soon and they are getting married. My middle sister was married for a long time and had two kids. I’m married and have two kids. We all might have successful careers and contribute to society. It’s all you could ask for. My parents did their best but compared to my childhood, my kids are absolutely spoiled rotten.

It’s like, “You guys asked for anything, you get it and I will find a way to get it. I will put it on a credit card, go work a couple of extra hours, the next paycheck to pay it off, pay off that credit card, make sure I’m still good financially but I can make it happen. I can make sure that I get it.” It’s almost as if her response of, and this could be wrong, “I’m depressed. My life sucks. I think about killing myself.” It’s like, “You are an ungrateful little shit. How can you be so ungrateful and unhappy in a world where we do everything we can to make sure that you are happy?” We are always doing stuff. I could go on for a half-hour of all the different things that we do daily, weekly, monthly, daddy-daughter dates.

We are going to Atlanta for a mini-vacation and we are going to go see the 3D museum, the Botanical Garden and the Coca-Cola Factory. There’s one more thing, there’s a ski lift that goes to the top of the mountain there and there’s a big laser show. You take the ski lift down and there’s dinner up there and all this stuff. My mom is flying into Atlanta. We are going to pick her up at the airport and have a good weekend.

My wife and daughter went to Kohl’s and spent $140 on new outfits for this trip. I remember growing up, we never did that. God bless my mom and dad. They did their absolute best. I’m super thankful for the childhood that I was provided but they didn’t have the money for that. It was just the time and what they were doing. They did their damnedest.

My parents did their best to make sure that we had what we asked for but we didn’t always get it. Some stuff was like, “No, we can’t do that now.” My childhood was great. If I ask for something, I’ve got it. I’ve got to play sports. We went on vacations occasionally. We did certain things. I have no complaints. I don’t remember anything where my parents said no to something I needed or wanted.

My daughter wants an iPad and an Apple Watch, and I’m like, “We could probably do an iPad.” She’s like, “Not just the small one. I want the big one so I could do Procreate and draw.” I was like, “What’s wrong with your drawing pad that you have now?” She’s like, “It doesn’t have Procreate.” I’m like, “Why not?” I looked up Procreate and it’s only an Apple thing, which means, for those reading, you can’t get it anywhere else unless you have an Apple product.

I said, “You asked for a drawing tablet last Christmas so this thing is not even old.” I’m the tech guy so I looked at the one that she showed us on Amazon that was $40 and I went to Best Buy and bought her the expensive one because it has all these different programs and she really likes to draw. It says on the box, “Every digital artist dream thing up at the top of the line.” She played with it for a month and was like, “This isn’t appropriate. This thing is stupid.”

Now she wants the ginormous iPad for her birthday, plus an Apple Watch. My son wants these special steam goggles that he could play games on that’s $1,000. I told my wife and I was like, “We are going to go old school. We are going to get you a cake and we are going to have some friends over and play in the sprinklers. I’m going to fill in an ice chest full of water balloons.”

That was all we needed when we were their age.

We had hot dogs and chips. It was special because we’ve got a soda. We went and bought soda and we had soda in the house for the next couple of days. We had leftover hotdogs and chips. We couldn’t afford that stuff. We never had chips and soda. To have that for your birthday and then we’ve got water balloons, this is the best birthday ever.

Having friends over, having cake and ice cream is the best. That was a great birthday. You don’t expect to get anything expensive. For my birthdays, the stuff that I’ve got was mainly clothes. On my fourteenth birthday, my parents surprised me with a cell phone but that’s because I gave them a million reasons why I needed one.

If you tell a lie long enough, it becomes your truth. Click To Tweet

Parenting is definitely different now than it was back in our time. For anyone that is going through the seat, you are not alone when it comes to your kids learning stuff on the internet and then applying it to their lives and be like, “This is me. This is what I am. This is how I am. This is what I do. This is me now.” We say, “That’s not you. You are better than that. You have this life that we have provided for you.” We have tried to talk to her.

I reached out to somebody that has a 23-year-old girl, a 19-year-old girl and a 12-year-old. When I told him what I talked about with Autumn, he started laughing. I’m like, “This isn’t funny. I’m not laughing.” He’s like, “It’s funny because that’s exactly what I went through.” He goes, “For whatever reason, with their access to the internet, Netflix, YouTube and all these things, they learn things and they think that they are cool.” He goes, “When you were a teenager, did you ever think something was cool so you started doing it?” I was like, “All the time. I had puka shells. I had bleached blonde tips. I thought that I was cool.”

Back then, that was the stuff to do. It wasn’t looking up stuff on the internet and being like, “I’m depressed.”

I wanted a pair of Jordans. I will never forget saving up money and buying my first pair of Jordans that I could wear to play basketball. That was what I was so excited about.

When you look back at it, you are like, “I wore puka shells or I had parachute pants.” Now it’s like, “That thing is stupid.”

Don’t forget parachute pants with one pant leg rolled up. I walked around school thinking that I was cool. I was like, “Look at me with my armband, my headband, my baby blue Jordan T-shirt with my black parachute pants, with one leg rolled up wearing Jordans.” I was like, “This is it. This is the peak. I’m peaking now. This is amazing.” I look back at it, “What a pity.”

I wish that that’s what our kids were getting into, puka shells and parachute pants.

That’s what he told me and that was comforting, too. He said, “They are seeing something that they determine is cool in their mind so they are trying to emulate that and act like that.” He goes, “My daughters went through a depressive phase. They went through a bisexual phase where they thought they might be gay or not be gay. They went through the eating disorder phase. They want to look and act a certain way. They went through all of the phases that your daughter is going through. They were just phases. If one phase sticks, then that’s something that needs to be addressed.”

“You’ve got to think about it like she just started her womanhood about a year ago. As she’s growing, her upper half is growing, things are happening on our bottom half and hormones are going crazy. Estrogen, PMS and all sorts of different things are happening. Her brain is on fire and she doesn’t know what to do. Now with the access of the internet, it escalates it. Be patient and lever through it. Keep doing your daddy-daughter dates because those are super important. Sometimes you just have to listen.”

YGYG Tim Parenting | Proper Parenting Advice

Proper Parenting Advice: How can children be so ungrateful? You work all day to give them all the basic needs and they’re still unhappy. Parents are doing everything they can to make sure that their children are happy.

 

That’s why I started to go into her room, sit down on her bed, “What’s up?” Listen and we could talk about anime, even though I think anime is stupid. We could sit there and talk about her Roblox, Minecraft, her friends and her friends’ issues, and school. I let her have the floor and let her talk so far, that has been working. Now we just have to work on the whole manipulation thing because that’s no good. You shouldn’t manipulate people.

Catfishing, too, we went through that. She told this girl that she met on Among Us that she’s a fifteen-year-old boy. I’m not going to say the username of this person but it’s BI and then a name. When my wife and I found out, we were like, “The reason why I don’t like you to talk to random people on the internet is that I don’t want you to get catfished. I don’t want it to be some old dude on the other end of the site. Also, I don’t want you to become friends with somebody, talk to somebody, and then end up not being anything that you thought they were because they lied about everything.”

I’m like, “Let me see your phone. She was like, “No.” “Definitely give me your phone. I’m taking your phone.” I took it out of her hands and opened it up. Sure enough, it’s like, “My dad left a year ago and it’s just me and my mom.” She’s pretending to be a 50-year-old boy that lives with her single mom in New York or something. She’s like, “It’s called a roleplay.” I’m like, “No, roleplay is when the other person agrees to roleplay. When you see people roleplaying on the internet, it’s like me telling my friend, Christina, ‘The next time that we talk, I’m going to pretend that I’m a 34-year-old woman.’”

She’s like, “I will pretend that I’m a 34-year-old man so then the next time that we talk, we roleplay as the opposite sex.” I’m like, “You cannot tell them. That’s lying and catfishing. You are doing what we don’t want other people to do to you. You have to tell her that you are a thirteen-year-old girl.” She’s like, “I’m not doing that.” I’m like, “Too bad.” Until she agrees to do that, her phone is at my desk. She’s not allowed to have her phone. When she came out with the whole depression stuff, we deleted YouTube. We were like, “You do not have access to any YouTube or anything from the outside world where you can watch videos. Do you have a question? I’m all ears.”

Parenting 2021 is rough but we are going to be patient. You’ve got to love through the stuff that they are walking through. That’s another thing that I’m comforted by. I have never raised a 15-year-old son and a 14-year-old daughter before. This isn’t round three and it’s like, “I’ve got it right with the first two and this one is screwed.” I have never done this before. You have never been a mom to an eight-year-old before.

The other two won’t get away with as much.

I have never been a dad to an almost 14-year-old girl and an almost 15-year-old boy. I have never been here before. I’m walking in an identified water. That’s why I reach out to people that have walked through this but I’m not going to talk to my dad about what he did with my sisters. He’s not walking through the same stuff. Somebody that has a 19, 20, 21-year-old, his daughter was fourteen six years ago. “In the lane of cell phones and the internet, what did you do? Did you go through this? Is this something that you experienced?” Surprisingly, they are like, “Yes, it absolutely is. This is what I have experienced.”

The moral of the story, folks, lock down your internet.

Turn off the internet. Don’t let your kids have YouTube. Stick to YouTube Kids, Netflix Kids and Amazon Kids until they are sixteen. I know that the outside world is telling you that they need to have privacy too, they need to have the opportunity to talk to their friends, do what they want to do and say what they want to say. Nothing good comes from that.

I didn’t have privacy at their age.

My phone was never allowed to have a password. At sixteen years old, I’ve got my first cell phone until the day I turned eighteen, my phone was on his desk. He would get the cell phone records from the cell phone company, go through my phone and match the phone number with the time to make sure that I wasn’t deleting messages.

If somebody sent me something, I would be like, “You can’t send me that stuff,” and go home and report to my dad. “It’s so-and-so sent me this. Here’s what it is.” “Why did they send you that?” “You could look at it and ask for it.” He would be like, “I’m taking your phone for a month.” Thanks to the random girl that sent me a boob picture. Now, I don’t have a phone for a month. I didn’t even ask for it.

I don’t remember my parents ever having to look at my phone or anything like that but I know that if they asked, I had to give it to them. My phone back then didn’t even have a camera on it. We didn’t have any of that. You couldn’t get on the internet. You could play snake on it.

You had the T9 word with the numbers. I could do that stuff underneath the desk without even looking at it, a whole ass paragraph. I was a wizard. Lean into your people that have done it before. If you have any boy questions, I’m always here. I have raised an eight-year-old boy before. I have been there before and I reach out to guys that have good relationships with their daughters that are 19, 20 or 21 and doing well in college like, “Is this normal?”

Two guys that I reach out to. One of them has 23, 19 and 12. Another one has a 21 and a 19,  all females. I talked to those two guys and everything that I have said to them, even stuff that I never brought up because we can talk for hours on this and they would be like, “Yep, normal,” and laugh. I’m over here losing my mind. This is world-ending stuff and they were like, “Normal.” “What about she said this and this?” “Normal.” “She sounds abusive and emotionally abusive.” “Normal.”

They get these ideas in their head and they run with them. They believe it and they think it’s what their truth is, and then he goes, “I’m telling you, there’s something that happens and please do not take offense to this because guys have the same issue, too. For dudes between the age of 13 and apparently 34, they only have one thing on their mind and they can’t have a normal conversation with you. Guys have a problem. That’s all they think about is ‘hanging out.’” It’s bad between 13 and 14 years old. For me, at least, 19 and 20. What drove my motivation to breathe every single day was to find somebody and hang out with them.

As a parent, it's disheartening to see how spoiled kids are today compared to before. Click To Tweet

Clearly, at the age of 34, that’s not what a 34-year-old wants because I handed it out on a silver platter.

They are just stupid. That’s what they are. That’s a special case of dumb and it doesn’t surprise me, believe it or not. That sounds exactly on par with the group of people if I remember them correctly. As far as girls, he said, “How old is she?” I was like, “She’s turning fourteen.” He’s like, “She’s going to hate you until she’s 19 to 20 years old. Just accept it.”

I and my dad did not have a good relationship in high school. We lived in the same house. We could go weeks without even speaking one word to each other. We ate dinner at the same time. We were home in the evenings. We just did not get along. There was no reason why. We butted heads a lot. About nineteen, things changed. He has been my best friend ever since.

He told me, “My daughter is 23 and we have been buddies for the last couple of years. My daughter, who’s nineteen, is just now starting to come around.” To me like, “My dad is a cool guy.”

I can attest to that because I and my dad were not friends at all through high school.

I told him, “I feel, sometimes, giving up.” He’s like, “That’s what you can’t do. If you want to have the best friendship with your daughter when she snaps out of being the way that she is, don’t give up on her. Love her through everything she’s walking through. Be there for her. Take her on those daddy/daughter dates. Those are important that you keep doing that. Don’t punish her by taking time away from her if that makes sense.”

There should be punishment. There should be consequences. None of those consequences should be, “Now, I’m not going to hang out with you,” or you remove that presence or you remove that time. Don’t give up. I have a rule. It’s boobs, buttons, belly. If I see any one of those three, go change your outfit. The three Bs, if I see too much boob, if I see any part of your belly or any part of your butt cheek, you are going and changing.

There’s no arguing. There’s no, “Let me go fix my shirt, it’s because my shirt was pulled down or it’s because I didn’t fix my bra.” I don’t care. If I see too much boob, any part of your belly or any part of your butt, you have to go change. My wife agreed to that. Sometimes, she will walk out and I would be like, “Go change.” She’s like, “Why?” I’m like, “It’s because I can see too much of your boobs. I don’t want to see that.” She’s like, “Why are you looking at my boobs? Don’t you think that’s weird?”

God bless my wife. My wife flipped out on her of epic proportions. My wife was sitting on the couch and she climbed over the back of the couch because she didn’t want to walk around the couch. I’ve got her face and ripped her a new one and gave her some truth about what she just said and the accusation that she just presented.

She was like, “That is our rule and you are not going to be walking out of this house looking a slut. Go change.” That’s one thing that my wife and I agreed on a long time ago when we first started having babies. If anything makes you feel unsafe about our child, we have each other’s back, whether we agree or not.

It’s about safety. I don’t want our kids to go hang out at this person’s house because their dad is a little iffy. That’s the rule. That’s it. There’s no if, ands, or buts. We feel uncomfortable about our child’s safety. I explained this to my wife. I don’t want to get to a situation where some 25-year-old dude is looking at my thirteen-year-old daughter. I will not respond well to that. She’s like, “What do you mean?” “I don’t want to tell you. Just know I will not respond well to that.”

I understand that guys are going to look at my daughter. She’s extremely pretty. She’s tall, has blue eyes and has curves. She’s going to get looked at, I completely get it but let’s not ask for the attention by what you wear. If you wear a lot of cleavages, super short shorts, and you are asking, that’s where you start to get to that fine line. I’m not saying that it’s the girl’s fault that the guy is looking at her. It’s the guy’s fault, 100% but let’s not invite the attention by what we wear.

When you turn eighteen and you are an adult, and that’s how you want to present yourself to the world, go for it. As your father, especially at the age of thirteen, it is my duty and responsibility to make sure that you are safe, protected and there’s not some predator out there that is going to be thinking about you later because of what you are wearing. I want to protect you. It’s about protection.

She tried to pull that whole thing on me, she’s like, “It’s not my fault if guys look at me. That’s their problem.” I’m like, “It’s still not going to fly. That’s my rule. Boobs, button, belly. That’s the rule. That’s what you have to abide by. If you are eighteen and you don’t agree with the rule, you can go find another place to live. Go for it.” Loving them through that, all of the stuff that they are going through but also going in with the understanding that between the ages of 13 and 19, she’s going to hate me because I have rules and she’s going to follow up. There’s not going to be, “You can pick which rules to follow.” No, you follow my rules. These are my rules. This is what we do and this is how it’s done.

Suck it up, buttercup.

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