Casual dating is a physical and emotional relationship between two people who may have casual sex without demanding the additional commitments of a more formal relationship. In this episode, Christina shares about the casual dating experience she’s currently onto and the rules you need to know about. First rule: if you don’t want anything serious, the person you’re dating must know that from the beginning. Do you want to learn more about the rules of casual dating? Then this episode’s for you. Tune in!
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The Rules Of Casual Dating: What You Need To Know To Keep It Safe And Enjoyable
I’ve found myself entering into somewhat of a relationship, but the line has been drawn in the sand. It is a casual relationship. I don’t want to say the word relationship because that insinuates that there is something more going on than the casual booty call. Is that what that’s called nowadays? A little backstory. Me and said person, we don’t live in the same state, although I do plan on seeing this person to see where things go.
I’m having a hard time because, as everyone knows, I’m divorced. My ex-husband left a couple of years ago. I’ve been on my own for a few years. I have not entered into any type of situation since then because every time I try, I get on those dating apps. I will have a conversation with somebody and one of two things happens. They either ghost me or it gets to the point where I start to pull away because they want to meet. That is a whole discussion for another day because I have my reasons for pulling away. Maybe I’m not there yet, but for some reason, this situation, I’ve not quite pulled away yet. I find myself wanting to go the opposite direction and I don’t know how to help it.
Definition Of Casual Dating
Things have been moving along. The line has been drawn in the sand that this is a casual thing. I was sitting here and I decided to google what casual means because I haven’t done this before. I don’t know what casual means. I don’t want to cross the line, to overstep, to bring emotions into it or whatnot. I got on Google. I’m going to pull up a couple of pages here. I thought I’d bring you guys along with me while I discover. There’s a casual sex definition or there’s a casual relationship definition. Let’s do that one first.
Wikipedia says, “Casual dating or a casual ‘relationship’ is a physical and emotional relationship between two people who may have casual sex or a near-sexual relationship without necessarily demanding or expecting the additional commitments of a more formal romantic relationship. Motives for casual relationships vary. There are significant gender and cultural differences in acceptance of and breadth of casual relationships, as well as in regrets about action/inaction in those relationships.”
“Casual dating may or may not entail partner exclusivity. In each case, the relationship’s dominance in the lives of those involved is being voluntarily limited, and there is usually a sense that the relationship is intended to endure only so long as both parties wish it to. Casual relationships sometimes include mutual support, affection and enjoyment, which underpin other forms of a loving relationship. A casual relationship is sometimes referred to as a no-strings-attached relationship.”
Now that I’ve googled what casual dating is, I think I understand what’s happening. It’s only a booty call relationship. That’s where we’re at. It’s a booty call. It goes down to explain what casual relationships mean to college students. I’m not a college student but casual dating. When I searched the definition of casual dating, I also got an article from Women’s Health on The 10 Rules of Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know. I haven’t read this yet. I’m reading this with you.Clarify expectations to avoid misunderstandings that can breed resentment. Click To Tweet
“Number one is, make sure everybody involved knows the score. If you don’t want anything serious, it’s important that the person or people you’re dating know that. Make it clear that you’re not looking for something serious from the beginning. The other person then has the opportunity to say they aren’t interested in that or to think it over and decide that they care. You don’t need to make a huge thing of it or even bring it up the first time you hang out, but clearly saying something like, ‘I like spending time with you, but I want to make sure you know that I’m not looking for anything serious right now.’ It can go a long way.” That was expressed to me in the beginning. I know these rules for women, but he already expressed that at the beginning and it was clarified that it was only casual.
“Number two is, you still need respect. Casual dating still involves having a relationship with somebody, and respect is important in any relationship, casual, serious or somewhere in between. That means treating the person with the same kindness you’d treat any other human being without the commitment.” I’m not sure I like casual dating.
“Do what you damn well, please. This is number three. Being in a relationship means you need to be willing to compromise. Check-in often and generally spend a solid chunk of your time caring about what your SO needs but with casual dating, you don’t need to do any of that. You can come and go as you please with little accountability.” This comes from Rosalind Sedacca. She’s the author of 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50, & Yes, 60!.
“Number four is, keep a few people in your mix. You can casually date one person at a time if that’s all you feel like you can handle, but one of the perks of this whole thing is that you’re not tied to conventional relationship standards. Don’t be afraid to see a few people at once. It’s okay to date more than one person casually. Expectations are minimal.”
Don’t Be Possessive!
“Number five is no possessiveness, please. If you happen to see on social media that your casual date is seeing other people, you need to be cool with it. The same is true for them with your dating life. If you start to notice that someone you’re seeing is getting possessive, shut it down real quick. There’s no place for that in casual dating.”
“Number six, don’t make future plans beyond a few days. If you want someone to hang with on Saturday night, it’s okay to make plans a day or two in advance. Anything more than that is getting into relationship territory. It’s important to live in the moment, knowing that the moment may be all you have because they may meet someone they want to date seriously. Also, you can easily meet someone else before you see them again, and you don’t want to be tied to plans you suddenly don’t want to keep.”
Making plans for a whole two months out because my plans are to two months out. Although, I made these plans with no intentions of this person. I made these plans before he even knew I was flying out there. It’s that he’s an added bonus. Although, we do have plans. Does that fall under casual? Can someone help me?
“Number seven, focus on other stuff in your life. Relationships take up a ton of mental energy and you’re not dealing with one now. Use that energy you would have spent on a relationship and put it toward work, school or doing whatever else you’re into. Casual dating gives you a social and perhaps sexual outlet without creating demands on your time and emotions.” It’s already created demand on my emotions. I don’t understand how casual dating doesn’t create demands on your emotions.
“Number eight, personal favors are a no-go. That means you call someone else when you plan to move or need someone to watch your cat while you’re out of town. Casual relationships don’t have those kinds of expectations. It’s confusing to ask. Also, you don’t want to need to do that stuff for them.” I guess you have a solid point.
“Number nine, don’t take them as your plus one. Weddings and parties are for meeting new people to casually date, not bringing someone you’re not invested in to interact with your friends and family. I’m not going to lie, that whole, ‘You’re not invested in,’ hits a little hard. Go solo to these events. That way, your friends and family won’t begin identifying you as a committed couple and your date won’t get the idea that you’re intending to incorporate them into your friends and family.”
“This is the last one for the rules for women. ‘Number ten, end it like a grownup. If you’re no longer into someone, even casually, you can do one of two things. Stop asking them to do stuff and hope they go away and they might or tell them you’re not feeling it anymore when they say they want to hang out. Honesty is the best policy. Given that this wasn’t a huge thing, you can respond and invite with a text that says something along the lines of, ‘I’ve enjoyed spending time with you lately, but I think this has run its course.’ Anything is better than ghosting somebody.’ That’s mean. I agree. Ghosting is not adult of anyone. Just say it. Almost anything goes when it comes to casual dating. Casual dating has few rules beyond politeness. If you can’t deal with a serious relationship now, it’s a great option for you.”
I’m learning a few things about myself during this whole situation. That’s the ten rules for women every woman should know. There is so much on casual dating. From University Health Services, What exactly is a casual relationship?. “In my opinion, the term casual is supposed to be open to interpretation, much like a casual relationship. It can mean a plethora of things, but generally, the term casual is used to refer to something that’s low commitment and freer of expectations than a monogamous relationship. I think when defining a casual relationship with a partner, it is important to clarify expectations to avoid misunderstandings that can breed resentment.”You need to be clear about what you want and find someone who wants the same thing. Click To Tweet
“For some people, casual may mean that you have multiple partners. For others, it can mean friends with benefits type of situation. All relationships are different and they vary based on the people in them and our expectations going into the relationship. Make sure that your expectations with someone are aligned before defining something as casual or serious. That way, you won’t have to ask the ‘so what are we’ question that everyone lowkey dreads.” I fucking hate that question.
This is an actual experience from someone named Angela. “More people have casual relationships nowadays, but there is still a ton of talk around what relationship entails. I’m in a casual relationship myself. From what I am experiencing, a casual relationship involves two individuals that are physically attracted to each other but neither wants to be labeled as each other significant other. There is no emotional attachment or expectations attached to this type of relationship. Honestly, it’s a gray area. It’s the type of relationship where you spend time with this person because you enjoy their comfort, presence and physical wellbeing. However, this can get messy. One person might start to develop emotions because of the amount of time spent together.”
“Remember, the two of you are not in a relationship. He or she can choose to stop being more than friends whenever they want. The easiest way I can put it is a casual relationship is one that involves casual sex with no feelings attached or a near-sexual relationship without the typical commitments that tag along with being in a relationship. There’s also little to no romance involved. This type of relationship requires a tremendous amount of communication to ensure that both parties are content and respected.”
What Does Casual Dating Mean To A Man?
“Dating covers a huge range of different definitions. The key is understanding, so you’re not left confused. What does casual dating mean to a man? Most women ask this question when they’re with a guy who doesn’t want to commit. It’s a frustrating situation that leaves you wondering, ‘What on earth is going on or whether he truly likes you or not?’ It’s enjoyable to drive you crazy. For a guy, casual dating means it’s not serious. Remember, guys are not as complex as women. They don’t overthink and overanalyze. They are what they are.”
“You could argue that this way of thinking makes dating far easier because you know where you stand. Everything is transparent. Unfortunately, it’s not the case. One guy’s idea of a casual relationship will be different to the next guy and so on. You came here wanting a clear answer. Nothing in this world of dating is clear. Know what you want in a relationship. What do you want from a relationship? It is important to understand this clearly. The reason because if you are in a casual relationship with a guy and what we tell you isn’t what you want, it’s time to leave. You can’t stick around and hope for him to change or perhaps think he’s going to fall so totally in love with you that he’ll want the same thing as you. You have to know from the get-go. It’s that simple.”
“The bottom line, dating is hard and it’s full of twists, turns and misunderstandings. It’s hard to imagine how so many people have ended up in successful marriages and long-term relationships. The good news is that it can and does work. You need to be clear in terms of what you want and find someone who wants the same thing. When you know what you want, you don’t waste your time on situations that don’t fit with that vision. It sounds easy, right?”
“What exactly is a casual relationship? Before we get onto what this whole thing means to a guy, let’s pinpoint what a casual relationship is in reality. A casual relationship can be exclusive or not. That totally depends on the two people involved. It is also simply that two people who like to spend time together are doing so without any pressure or label on that relationship. It’s not even a solid relationship. It’s more of a friendship with benefits.”
“That is how most guys see casual relationships. Friendships with certain sexual benefits. To some, a casual relationship can be a little deeper than with feelings involved, but the main theme throughout this type of arrangement is that there is no firm partner label. Things have not reached that stage. Also, there is no expectation that they will or won’t. Casual dating is a perfectly fine and acceptable way to enjoy spending time with someone, provided both members of that relationship are on the same page.”
“Either both happy with being casual and not serious. If one partner wants a little more, there can be problems. Casual relationships don’t usually have strong feelings attached to them. While the two involved may care about each other, there isn’t love. When one person starts to catch serious feelings, a relationship either needs to move on to the next level naturally or it needs to end.”
“I can’t tell you if I’ve got feelings only because we don’t talk to each other at all. I don’t necessarily expect it to go anywhere, but I also needed my clear definition of what casual meant. It’s not unusual for people in casual relationships to want more and end up being hurt in the long run. However, it is possible for two people to start in a casual relationship and then things progress to something more serious. It all depends on the two people involved.”
“What does a casual relationship mean to a guy? We cannot generalize here because every guy is different. On the whole, a casual relationship is a non-serious arrangement to spend time with someone they like. Sex is quite often involved, probably 99.9% of the time. That’s a perfectly fine arrangement if both parties are happy with it and don’t want progression. The problem arises when the status of the relationship isn’t defined or communicated.”
“As a woman, I’ve been in more than one dating situation when I thought something was happening and it turned out not to be. For instance, I thought a casual relationship I was in was heading towards something more serious. I believe that the casual relationship stage was the initial stage of dating and it would naturally evolve. It never did. I hung on for way too long and wasted far too much of my precious time and tears. It turned out that the guy only ever wanted the casual side of things and never had any intention for anything more.”Take care of yourself and be independent. Click To Tweet
I am fully expecting this to end after my visit. I’m expecting it. Do I want it to? No, but am I expecting it? Yes, because I don’t want to be in that situation where I spend too much time and energy on something that’s not going to go anywhere because, let’s face it, why would I do that? “Why do guys want casual relationships? Not all do. Some guys are quite open about the fact that they want things to progress, but they’re happy to go slow. That’s not a casual relationship. That’s slow dating. However, many guys want a casual relationship because they don’t want anything more at that stage. They’re either not ready. They don’t want another relationship because they’ve been hurt before or they’re scared of commitment or against it.”
“There’s no issue in any of that. As long as they’re open and honest with you from the start and that you take it at face value. If you’re happy to go along with it and you don’t want anything serious either, a casual relationship can be a great way to enjoy spending time with someone and usually have great sex in the process.” I don’t mind this casual, whatever this is. I can’t call it a relationship. We don’t live anywhere near each other. Most of it is casual sexting. Is that what you call it?
I’ve found myself that anyone local, I pull myself away. If the conversation continues, I freak myself out and I’m like, “No, I don’t want to do this,” or I start talking to people on the dating apps because they’re local. They ghost me or I will swipe right and I don’t want to pursue it. I think that’s more fear and my part. For some reason, what I’m doing now is I’m okay with that. I feel okay with it or I’m trying to convince myself I feel okay with it. I do feel okay with it.
My thought is that if a casual relationship often means friends with benefits, you’d have to be friends. It started with great communication, like talking about our day like friends would typically do, but then it went in a different direction and we turned it into casual. I don’t know if that’s progression or regression.
Communication Is Key
“Remember, communication is key. Communication is a vital part of a casual relationship. It’s the only way you’ll 100% know what a casual relationship means to your guy. We’re all different, after all. Many serious relationships are born from casual relationships. If you watch Hollywood rom-coms, you’ll see endless stories about the friends who became more. Never go into a casual relationship with any type of expectation. If it happens to you, great. If it doesn’t, you had a good time. That’s the best way to look at it,” which is how I’m looking at it.
If it goes anywhere, great. If it doesn’t, then I had fun while it lasted. That’s all that there is there, but I wanted to take you guys along because we had a discussion on what our expectations were and found myself a little confused with the term casual, so I decided to google it. Google came in clutch. I’m going to Alaska for a week because my kids are going to be with their dad. I had originally planned to go hang out with one of my best friends, Brittany, who was already there, then to see a couple of other people while I’m there. I honestly had no intentions of seeing the said person at all.
I made this trip without his knowledge and brought it up to him a few days later to let him know I was coming out. We do have plans to see each other while I’m there. I do know that much. I can only assume that if we have plans, you don’t have plans on meeting someone else. I don’t know how that works because the last article I read said, “Don’t make plans for farther than a couple of days out,” and we’ve made plans like a whole month out. I guess we’ll deal with that issue when it comes or if it comes. If I meet somebody before then or he does before then, I guess we’re going to have to figure that one out.
Welcome to my day on googling a casual relationship. I figured why google myself when I can google with all of you. You guys can go along with this with me. There are so many articles here. There’s casual dating, what it means, benefits and rules to follow, what it means to be casual dating, meanings, etiquettes, tips and more. Maybe I’m going to have to turn this into multiple episodes. Maybe we should talk to Tim about it. I think so.
I don’t understand casual dating. “Casual dating is a type of relationship between people who go on dates and spend time together in an ongoing way without the expectation of entering into a long-term or committed relationship. Casual dating someone usually means you like them enough to want to hang out with them regularly, but you are either not ready for a serious relationship or don’t want one, whether that’s in general or only with this person in particular.”
If you’re going on dates with somebody and you’re spending time with them because you like them, isn’t that a relationship? Aren’t you in a relationship then? That would be a relationship or am I missing the mark here? I guess I don’t understand casual dating. I understand casual dating as your dating multiple people. You’re talking to other people. You’re on dating apps. You’re going on dates, which he could very well be doing. I could very well be doing. I sit here and say that I’m ready for a relationship and I’m ready for all of that, but the more I think about entering into one, I’m not sure that I am.
Maybe I’m not sure that I’m ready to enter into one with somebody who lives so close to me. I don’t know. I’m not sure. Yes, I would love to have somebody to talk to at the end of the day. Call me at night. Talk about my day. “I had a rough day. I would love to talk to you about it,” but clearly, that doesn’t fall in a casual relationship or dating. I’m so confused. I understand where I’m at with this person. I get it. After reading all of these articles, I get it. I understand where I’m at, but I guess I don’t understand why you would do a casual dating or relationship with the same person over and over again. Wouldn’t that be a relationship? Wouldn’t you be in a relationship?
Do you know whom I need? I need Nick Vale. I don’t know if anyone has listened to his podcast but solid. Maybe I need to listen to him. You guys are here for my confusion of casual dating because I haven’t brought it to anyone’s attention that I could be casual dating somebody, but I can’t even say I’m casual dating anybody because he doesn’t even live here. We’re not doing anything. What once was every other day is now like once every seven days. I can easily see this fully fading into nothing. By the time December comes, we could probably not even have spoken in many weeks or days. I guess we’ll see what happens if we’ve spoken to each other or not by then. Let’s see what happens.
If anyone wants to talk about casual dating or help me get into dating in general, feel free to holler at your girl because I think I need some help. I’m okay with this situation I’m in now, but the terms are so confusing. Hit me up on the website, GettingWhatYouGive.com. If you want to hop on and chat or if you have your comments on casual dating or casual relationships or, fuck, anything, my brain could use it because this is all new to me. It’s a little exciting and it’s fun. I’m enjoying it. That’s for sure.
I don’t feel that I need to jump into a relationship right at this moment because I’ve started dipping my toes into the dating scene or the casual relationship scene. It’s only this person who happens to be in a completely different state. I don’t hate it because then, I’m not forced to physically meet this person when I’m not ready for it or not comfortable with it. I’m not one to need someone at my ass or to spend 24/7 with. I like my independence and being by myself. Although I’ve found that the quiet when I am by myself is deafening and it can be depressing from time to time, but that’s all a part of learning how to be single and learning how to take care of yourself and be independent. At some point, you have to be okay with it.
Dipping my toes into casual dating. Welcome to the shit show. It’s about to get crazy. Maybe or maybe not. Thanks for reading this. I got all of my thoughts out and me googling what a casual dating relationship is, whatever the hell it means. No strings attached, friends with benefits. Although, the friends with benefits term is a little off because I feel as though you have to be friends for that. You have to be friends to be friends with benefits. I have so much in my head that it’s ridiculous. Maybe I’ll bring it up to Tim and we’ll talk to Tim about what casual dating means to him, although he’s married and has been married for a long time. His terminology is going to be interesting. We’ll see if I can get him to discuss it with me.