Physical, mental, and emotional stress and exhaustion can take a toll. You need to remember to take care of yourself when you feel down. In this episode, Christina shares her past week’s experience battling exhaustion. We hear about her struggles with other people and what she did to recharge and reenergize herself. Tune in for more of Christina and her experiences in this special episode.
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Feeling Defeated And Getting Out Of It: Dealing With Exhaustion
I am defeated. I feel exhausted and that’s okay to feel that way. Many things come into play for this exhaustion. It’s like mentally, physically and emotionally, I’m exhausted. There are several things that come into play to this. We all know that I am single and I have 50/50 of my kids. I spend a lot of time by myself. Essentially, I’m more so lonely than I am anything else. Don’t get me wrong by lonely. I don’t mean that I don’t have friends or my parents. Lonely, in a sense, to me is that I don’t have somebody to, at the end of the night, snuggle up to and watch a movie or that companion.
Here I am just chugging through life and I try hard to put on a brave face and push through, but lately, I feel like I can’t do it anymore. Usually, when I get like this talking, it helps. You’re going to listen to me. I don’t know. What I usually do when I start to feel like this is I have an audio diary and I record myself talking about my feelings.
This audio diary is something I’m going to share with everyone instead of putting it in a folder on my computer and letting it go. Lately, I feel defeated. I’m emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. I go through these phases every few months. I wouldn’t say a couple of months, but every six months or so. I go through a phase where I’m like, “Good God. I feel like I can’t catch a break.”
Although nothing bad has happened, nothing negative has happened, I’m emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted stage. When you’re single and you’re watching your ex-husband with his new girlfriend, it’s hard because not only that, but I watched my kids fall in love with a woman that’s not me. A lot of people are like, “That’s great.” Yes, I get it. That is great because they have another mother-like figure.
I cringe at the thought of saying that. Here’s the deal. If she hadn’t have been the other woman in my marriage for as long as she was, and I haven’t touched base on that with you guys yet. If she hadn’t have been the other woman in my marriage for few years at the time. I can’t remember the exact time, but me and my best friend went through phone records and discovered all of this stuff out.
Had she not been that person, I feel like I wouldn’t feel so upset about my kids fully falling in love with her. I had this woman come along after me and my ex-husband separated and got divorced and I didn’t know she had existed for that long. I feel like my relationship with her would be a little different. Regardless, it would still hurt because I was married to him and my kids are my kids and all of that.
There’s that, just seeing that and then dealing with her, overstepping her boundaries, and me trying not to be a bitter baby mama. I’m literally holding in a lot right now because I’m trying not to be those bitter baby mamas that you hear about that make your life a living hell and I’m not here for that. I am a full-on raging bitch, but my kids are my priority and I don’t want to put them in a spot where they have to choose.
I’d like it if they chose me, but I can’t make them choose one side or the other. They’re children and they need to know that, whichever side they choose, they’re fully supported if they choose aside. I would rather them not have to choose aside. I try hard to make sure that my co-parenting is ideal. There’s that. That’s causing my total defeat and feeling is that I’m holding in a lot of stuff in regards to co-parenting right now because I’m trying not to be that person. I have every right to be, in my opinion. Some of you stepmoms that are reading this are going to be like, “No, you don’t.” When I get to how all of this came about, you’ll be thinking completely different about it.You don't need to apologize for getting your own needs met. Click To Tweet
There’s our old friend who randomly pops in every now and then. After two weeks of ghosting, you get a message at fucking 3:00 in the morning on a Saturday saying he wants to see me, but in a different phrase. It’s not a bad phrase. Me, it had been two weeks since our last correspondence since I got ignored the last time.
I don’t know if I’m emotionally tired and exhausted or it was my bitchiness coming through, but my only response was I can only assume that there was an excessive amount of alcohol involved in that message or it would have been sent at a decent hour. I got no response, which was totally fine. I wasn’t expecting one anyway. I’m over it.
Three days later, I decided to send a message because I didn’t want to play the whole mind fuckery game. It was my attempt to either move it forward or end it. I take communications training every week for work. I decided to put my skills to work that I’ve learned over years in my communications training because we all know I have a hard time communicating and I’m not very empathetic.
I do take this training every week for an hour. That helped me understand other people’s feelings and needs and make sure that I’m trying to be empathetic or I’m understanding. I’m not that person. I try hard to be. I decided to use some of the skills that I have learned over the years on a message to him to say, “This is it. You step up or step out.” It’s what my message was.
I wasn’t expecting a response, quite honestly. I was expecting to get through the next few days and not get anything at all, and I got one. We went back and forth for a few hours and nothing came of it. I didn’t want to play the mind-fucking games. Sunday, I woke up and was like, “I’m too tired for this. I’m emotionally, mentally exhausted and I’m too tired. My brain is too tired to play these games with you.” I decided to deactivate my Instagram. I logged out of my Snapchat. I removed the said person from Snapchat, because what was the point?
I don’t use Snapchat regularly anyways, but he was on my Snapchat and I just removed him on Snapchat because to me, I felt like that would be easier. If he were to try to connect with me through Snapchat, he couldn’t because he’s not a friend on my Snapchat. I deactivated my Instagram because I was over it.
I didn’t deactivate my Facebook, although I would have liked to but I talked to my best friends through Facebook. I couldn’t deactivate my Facebook. We use Facebook Messenger all the time. I didn’t want to deactivate that. I kept that one up but I hid all of my social media apps in a folder on a separate screen on my phone. I’m going to be honest with you, I’ve barely checked any of them since they’re not on my home screen. There’s an occasional time where I’ll get into a break of work in between meetings.
Stepping Back From Work
I needed to take a step back from work for a few minutes because I had back-to-back calls, all day. I did have a few minutes in between calls where I was like, “I’ll check Facebook.” I mainly check it to see if my friends like Andy and Brittany have posted, my best friends, and interact with their posts, if anything, but I haven’t posted anything since September 4th, 2021. Which is unusual, I’m usually a daily poster at least once, if anything, and it’s usually something stupid.
It feels nice and then I decided to reactivate my Instagram. I made a post on Instagram just about how I felt defeated and letting everyone know that it’s okay to feel this way. The whole point of me using this platform, my show, was that I’m making sure everyone else doesn’t feel like they’re alone. If I don’t share what I’m going through, then I’m essentially not doing what I started this platform for. Feeling defeated is totally fine.
It’s a normal occurrence in life where you’ve had rough few weeks and you’re mentally and physically exhausted and you don’t want to do anything, and that’s totally fine. You have to remember to take time for you. When I deactivated most of my social media accounts, I had plans with somebody and I sent them a message super early in the Sunday morning and was like, “I don’t feel like being around anyone. I need to be alone. Is that okay? I hope that’s okay with you, that I take the day to be by myself.”
At that moment, I felt like I had been doing things for everyone else lately and not necessarily doing anything for myself. I wanted to take that day. I didn’t have my kids. They were with their dad and I felt like, “I will be a better mom and a better person if I take the day to hang out at home and be by myself.” I did it and I put my needs for once in front of someone else’s.
That someone else decided to tell me that it wasn’t okay and then I ruined their day. I wasn’t expecting it so much. I was expecting this person to understand a little bit, that I needed the day to myself because she knows everything that has been going on. Not everything obviously, but she knows my situation.
I’m single. She knows all of that. I was hoping this person would understand and they didn’t. I just did a thumbs up, and in my language a thumbs up is more of like a fuck you, because I was getting my own needs met and I was putting my needs above someone else’s for once. Some nasty messages got sent back and forth, telling me that I was making it all about me and that I’m being selfish is essentially what they were trying to tell me.
In theory, I was making it about me. For once, I was making it about me. I needed to put my needs before anyone else’s. I felt that doing that would make me be a better mom for the week. It would put me in a better headspace before I got my kids Monday afternoon, and that’s what I needed. I didn’t care that it wasn’t what someone else needed or understood. I told her that, “Not everything is all about you.”
She shot back and told me that I was making everything about me, and then turned that statement into all about her and what she needed instead of it is what I needed for the day. I try not to make things all about me. I’m not one of those people. I do things for other people. I take care of my kids. I go do things on behalf of other people because they want me to go, so I show up. Lately, that’s what I’ve been doing but I haven’t been putting 100% of myself into doing that stuff for other people like going to dinner, hanging out with friends, or hanging out with my dad.
It’s only been part of myself into it because I would much rather be at home by myself. I’m slowly pulling myself out of that, but essentially Sunday turned into me making it all about me and someone getting mad and I didn’t care, to be honest. I could have given two shits. I chose to put my needs before someone else’s for once, and I was okay with that.It's okay to feel a certain way, and it's okay to take time out for yourself. You're not alone. Click To Tweet
I wasn’t going to apologize. Here’s the thing, you don’t need to apologize for getting your own needs met. I don’t like when people apologize to me after having my communications training over the years. If somebody in a more understanding of I didn’t like when people bailed on me. Now, it depends on the reason obviously, but if you’re bailing on me because you have a need, like say, my best friend and me, we had dinner planned with a friend one night. Our friend had a headache and my best friend had worked all day and both of them had needs that needed to get met. We decided to cancel dinner that night.
I’m not going to be super annoyed because we canceled dinner, but both of them were getting their needs met. One of them needed to go home and not socialize, and I get it. That’s fine. The other one didn’t feel good and she needed to get her needs for self-care met. Both of them essentially had needs for self-care that needed to be met that specific day.
While I had a need for connection and although I didn’t get it met, they got their own needs met and I don’t expect them to apologize for getting their own needs met. I look at things a little differently. Now that I’ve had my communications training and it’s worked a lot for work but also, it helps me a lot in my personal life because I use it with co-parenting also.
I try to take a step back and maybe rethink the situation. Sometimes I’m quick to not think this situation through and we’ll word vomit or do whatever. I usually will take a little while to respond and make sure that I understand the feelings, needs, communication, and everything that’s going on with that situation.
I took Sunday to do me and I’m starting to feel a little bit better towards the end of my week. I haven’t been on social media a whole lot. I reactivated my Instagram because I’m supposed to be telling, helping or showing people that it’s okay to feel a certain way. It’s okay to take time out for yourself, and you’re not alone, but I wasn’t sharing that with anybody.
Cutting Off Social Media
I decided to cut all of my social media platforms off and take time for myself. This is exactly what I needed and I’m starting to feel a little bit more resolved, plus I leave for vacation soon. Hopefully, a little reset and some time away. It’s our annual girls’ trip. We’re going to head to Alaska to visit Ms. Brittany, and then we’ll head to Anchorage to visit Autumn. It’ll be a nice little getaway from reality for a little while, and then I’ll come home and face my problems all over again.
I have no reason. It’s hard because I feel defeated, and I feel mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted, but I have everything that I could ever want for my life right now. There is one thing missing, but that’s not the end all be all, and I can still live my life. I have my family, kids, a career, my friends, a place to live, and a car to drive.
I can make my car payments on my own every month. I have everything that I could ever want, but I still feel tired, exhausted and just mentally out of it, and it’s okay to feel that way. Take your time to feel it and then pull yourself out of it. In the wise words of my bestie, she always tells me it’s okay to get upset and it’s okay to cry, but you do it for an hour and you get over it. I try to live by that as best as possible.
Sometimes it’s going to take me a few days to snap out of it. It’s going to take me a while. I’ve been shoving feelings down that I probably should have dealt with and I chose not to. It’s going to take me a couple of days to pull myself out of it and that’s okay because when my kids are home, I’m out of it. I show up for my kids and then when they’re not home, I take that time for myself. I rejuvenate myself and I do what I need to do to pull myself out of it. Whether that be reading a romance novel, going for a drive with my music turned up, or sitting here listening to music while I work.
Whatever I have to do to pull myself out of it when my kids aren’t home, to work on myself is something that I’m going to do. Always remember it’s okay to feel down, upset, and angry about something, but take that time to be upset and then pull yourself out of it. Nobody likes to be around a Debbie Downer.
Pulling Myself Back Up
As much as I try not to be the Ms. Debbie Downer of the group, my best friends always know it doesn’t matter. You can hear it in the tone of my voice if I’m unhappy or I’m down about something. It’s easy for them to tell. I don’t want to be that person, especially not while we’re on vacation. If you’re feeling defeated and if you’re having a hard time, it’s okay. Do what you got to do to pull yourself out of it.
Make sure you show up for your kids and who needs you, but also make sure that you’re showing up for yourself and you’re getting your own needs met because that’s important. If you’re not getting your own needs met, then you’re not going to be the best version of you that you can possibly be for anyone else.
Sometimes it’s okay to put yourself first even if you piss off somebody and they call you selfish and tell you that it’s all about you. It’s all right. It’s okay to shut someone down who’s been mind-fucking you for months and randomly popping in at 3:00 in the morning. It’s okay to shut it down. It’s okay to block them or deactivate your social media so that you have no way of contacting them or telling them that you’re done and you don’t want to deal with it anymore because you shouldn’t have to put up with somebody playing games with you and their mind-fuckery.
The only thing that does is make you that much more exhausted. If I’ve learned anything over the months, it drags you down and it’s terrible. I’d like to say it’s narcissistic tendencies or toxicity. I don’t know why people decide to play mind games. I don’t know the reason behind it and if I knew the reason behind it, I would approach the situation a little differently. Push forward, make things work, do things the way you need to do them, and you got this. We all got this. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
Usually, an audio diary of me talking about my feelings isn’t necessarily talking to someone else. It’s usually me talking to myself like having a conversation with myself. I hope I put this in a different perspective for a few of you. If you’re feeling mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted, it happens to the best of us. You make sure you’re getting your own needs met and push forward.
That’s about it. I also gave you guys an update on our old friend who keeps popping in. I know a few of you have been asking for an update on him. It’s not much of an update. It’s officially null and void, so you won’t be reading about that subject moving forward. Hopefully, in the future, you hear about someone else who isn’t mind-fucking me and playing stupid games. Hopefully, it’s someone worth sharing about. I hope everyone has a great day. I am going to check out and enjoy my vacation with my friends. We’ve got lots planned and hopefully, I can share some of that with you guys when I get back. See you.