Dating apps are a mixed bag. For every sweet and romantic story, we get a tale of a horrible experience. In this episode, Christina discusses her experiences with dating apps and passes her verdict. She talks about unresponsive matches and ghosting, and takes a peek at the struggles of dating for the thirty-something crowd. Tune in and learn more on Christina’s take on dating apps.
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Dating Apps: Insights And Experiences
I hope everyone’s having a great week. Last time, we talked about dreams and how real they can be. When you need that affection from somebody, how real can those dreams be? To some of you, I probably sounded super nuts like a total whack job, but I swear, I’m not the only one. That led to a discussion on dating. I had started that discussion in the previous episode, and I cut it short to bring you into this episode. Dreams and how you need that affection, somehow led into dating.
Dating Apps Are Just Window Shopping Apps
Window shopping is not my favorite thing to do. It’s like when you don’t have money, you go to the mall and you’re window shopping, that is not any fun. What’s fun is actually shopping and buying the stuff that you’re window shopping for. You don’t want to just go and look at stuff without being able to take it home. That’s stupid. Dating apps is like window shopping. I am over it. I was on several different dating apps. I’ve decided to take a break from staring at men through my phone screen and swiping left or right because every time I connected with somebody, I’d send them a message and I get ghosted. No one ever responds to me. I know I’m not the only one.
Next episode, I’m going to have Melissa on with us. She’s going to talk about her experience with dating apps. Her experience with dating apps is so different than my experience with dating apps. My experience with dating apps is that no one responds to me. That’s the frustrating part to me. Whereas her experience is people are responding to her but she’s not getting the response that she wants. We’ve talked about this so many times that I can’t wait for you to know her perspective and what’s happening on her end with the dating apps, versus what’s happening on my end with dating apps.
This also brings me into a previous episode I did, one of my first ones, where I talked about telepathically connecting with somebody, and how they keep coming into my thought process. Not necessarily that I’m seeing them all the time or running into them out in public, they’re invading my thought process, so I need to somehow get over it. This brings us into the dating apps and then having no response.You're only on Tinder if you want to screw somebody, or at least that's what we've been told. Click To Tweet
Senior Year Reminiscing
There was someone that I wasn’t close with in high school but he was my high school crush. We weren’t close but we had a class together every year. Senior year was different. I remember things that he may not remember, which is I would get piggyback rides to class. Stupid shit like that. When you’re in high school, it’s the little things that make you go blush. We had a thing after high school. We didn’t date. It was not dating. I don’t even know what you call it.
Back then, it was a bed buddy. Is that what you consider them? I don’t know what the definition of a bed buddy or a fuck buddy is these days. I knew nothing was going to come of it. It was a weird relationship because I wasn’t expecting anything more out of it and I knew nothing more was going to come out of it. We were friends ultimately. We’d hang out a few times without doing any of that. I won’t go over how our friendship ended. That’s not a point and that happened so long ago.
I have become divorced. If you’ve read my trailer episode, you know that I am a divorcee. My husband and I got a divorce. It’s beneficial for a few years. My therapist tells me not to put it this way and to say it a different way but maybe she only means that around my kids. He left years ago. I won’t get into how he left just yet. We’ll get there, I promise.
Around that time, you aren’t as active, so you pack on the pounds. That’s normal. I didn’t really pack on pounds. Even when I met my ex-husband, my body was still fit. I could eat whatever I wanted. I didn’t have to worry about it. That changed after I had my oldest son. I wasn’t confident with myself, so I’m not going to go into all of that.
I got off of the dating apps at that time because I was active at this time. I was playing sports but my body is not where I would like it to be in. My thyroid issues are an issue there because I have a hard time losing weight. My medicine is fluctuating. I forget to take it or I run out of my prescription and then I go two weeks without it. My doctor calls it my happy pill or my get up and go pill. I got off of the dating apps then because I wasn’t there yet but I was curious to see what was out there. When your husband leaves you for another woman, you’re like, “What do I do? Attention is what I needed.”
Having Another Go
I found that going about the dating apps was probably not the best way to do that. I got off of them for a few more months. I got myself situated where the kids and I were moving. I got myself situated in a new location and I hopped back on the dating apps. I tried Bumble, Tinder, Match. I tried all of those. I was on Tinder one day and this brings me to the guy I was talking about. He popped up on my Tinder. You’re only on Tinder if you want to screw somebody, or at least that’s what I’ve been told. I feel that way about all apps.
He popped up. Out of curiosity, I had swiped right. It popped up and said, “You matched,” which means he swept right on my profile first. I’m not going to sit here and be like, “I swiped right first and then he swiped right.” He swiped right first. That is clear to me. We weren’t doing anything. We immediately connected. I didn’t send a message. I left it at that. At least I don’t remember if I sent a message but I waited to see if he would say anything to me, and he didn’t.
I left that at his opportunity to reach out to me. I’m sure he didn’t know my situation. He had to have known I was married. Who knows? It was to the point where I let it right out. I was like, “I’m not going to reach out. It is what it is.” I decided to say, “Hello, stranger.” I don’t even remember what the message was but I did end up reaching out to him. I got no response. At some point, I deleted the dating apps. I was like, “I’m done with this.”Why do you swipe right on a dating app, and then you don't answer when they send you a message? Click To Tweet
Nobody was responding to my messages. I would send messages on Bumble, which is the place where women send the messages first instead of the men sending the tgmessages, which is nice because then the women are reaching out, but I wasn’t okay with that after a while. Eventually, it turned into me reaching out and nobody was responding to me. I was getting ghosted. It was so frustrating. I was done with it. I was over it at this point. I deleted everything for the second time.
A few months go by, I was bored out of my mind. I need to have that connection with somebody. I’m lonely. I have all of the support in the world. I have friends but nothing beats that emotional, physical connection with somebody. I can’t have that with my friends. I have an emotional connection with my friends because they’re my best friends. I love them to death. We have that but I can’t have that romantic physical connection with them.
I jumped back on the dating apps. Here, I didn’t just start up with the same profiles I had created before. I deleted those profiles and created a whole new profile. I went in. I was swiping left and right. I’m on Tinder. This guy that I brought up earlier pops up again on my Tinder. We’re only a mile away from each other. It’s bound to happen that he pops up on my Tinder. I sat there and I think on it for a minute. I’m like, “Do I swipe left or right? Do I just let it go? What do I do?”
I leave it on his profile and closed the app because I’m like, “I don’t want to swipe left. I don’t want to swipe right yet.” I stopped swiping on Tinder and leave it there. The next day, I open it up and I swipe right. We immediately matched again, which means he swiped right first. I reached out again. I don’t say much because I don’t know what to say. No response. I’m like, “Why are you swiping right if you’re not even going to respond to me, reach out to me, and send me a message? Why do you do that?”
I want to know why. Maybe it’s not him. Maybe I’m being catfished. Who the fuck knows? I’m like, “Why do you do that? Why bother swiping right if you’re not even going to send me a message?” It’s so stupid. It’s so dumb. It’s like you want to tell somebody that you see them but you don’t want to speak to them. “If you’re not going to speak to me, I don’t care if you see me. I don’t care if you’ve seen my profile. I don’t care if you’re watching. Swipe left if you don’t want to have a conversation with me.” Easy as pie.
I get on Bumble and I met this guy. I window-shopped this dude. We started talking. It turns out he doesn’t even live here. He lives in Boston. We chatted for a little while. It was fun. It was innocent because he lives in Boston. I don’t even know how I matched with him. He must have had his location set for Phoenix. I don’t even know but I ended up matching with him. He was one of the only guys to have a conversation with me. He gave me his phone number and was like, “I know that we’re not in the same location but let’s be friends, let’s text.” I was like, “Cool.”
A few days went by, I got off of Bumble. I hadn’t talked to him. A few days went by, I tried reaching out to him via text message. He doesn’t respond. He completely ghosted me. Here I am like, “Why do you give somebody your phone number to continue having a conversation with them if you’re going to ghost them? Legit, you’re going to ghost them.” I don’t understand that. His name is Derek. There’s more to this guy later too. After that, I was like, “I’m not doing this anymore.”
Giving Dating Apps Another Chance
For the third time, I deleted the dating apps. I’m like, “This is stupid. Why do you even bother?” A few months later, I don’t know why with the questions, the answer to those still remains, but I got on the dating apps again, Bumble and Tinder. I tried Hinge. Tinder was the same thing over and over again. The guy popped up again. This time I swiped right first because it didn’t automatically tell me that we were connecting.Going about the dating apps is probably not the best way to get attention. Click To Tweet
At this point, I had something to say to him. I was like, “I’m so irritated with you. The only way you’re going to see my message is if I do it through Tinder.” I tried to send him a message through Instagram one night when I had a few drinks, and he never responded to me. I get ballsy when I’ve had a few drinks. I had sent him a “Hey” on Instagram. No response. “If you don’t want to talk to me, that’s cool but I’m not going to sit here and play these games with you anymore.” When I saw him on Tinder, that was my last straw. I was like, “I’m not playing these games with you.” I swept right because I had something to say.
A couple of days later went by, he had swiped right, so we had matched. I sent him a message. I was like, “I’ve tried reaching out to you several times. I’m not playing this game with you anymore. You reach out to me when you’re ready.” I gave him my phone number. I said, “Here, but this is it. I’m not reaching out to you anymore.” I still have the screenshot of the message in my Tinder because I haven’t deleted my Tinder app yet. I still have it.
I haven’t heard a word out of him, nothing. I don’t understand. I need a man to answer me this question. Why do you swipe right on a dating app and then you don’t answer when they send you a message? On Bumble, it was the same thing. I’d match with these people. I’d send them messages and I wouldn’t even get any answer back. No response. Why do you swipe right if you don’t fully intend on having a conversation with this person? I want to know what the answer is.
If you’re a female and you’re on dating apps and you do that, why do you do that? If you’re a man on dating apps, why do you do it? I need to know why because it’s a waste of my time. Window shopping is total bullshit. It’s stupid. I’m so over it. Being single in your mid-30s with three children sucks. The hardest part of all of it is that my ex-husband left me for another woman and they’re getting married. I get to listen to my kids come home from their dad’s house and talk about how they went to venues over the weekend to find a venue for the wedding or she went wedding dress shopping.
Getting Over Dating Apps
Let me tell you, my wedding with my ex-husband was in my backyard. I was in jeans and a t-shirt. This woman gets an entire wedding. I’m over it. Part of me is like, “I don’t need a man.” Let’s face it. I don’t need one. I want one. I want that emotional and physical connection with somebody. I can’t get it. I don’t know how to get it. I don’t know where to go to get it. Do I walk around Target and try to find a single dad who wants to connect with me? How do you do this?
Before I met my ex-husband, I would go out to a bar with my friends. You make eye contact with somebody from across the bar and you have a conversation with them. At the end of the night, if you hit it off, you exchange numbers. If you didn’t, then you go your separate ways and you never see each other again. These days, if I were to walk into a bar at my age, it’s full of Gen Z-ers who are in their early 20s, mid-20s. I’m not about that life. I’m not about to meet a 23-year-old man and I’m 34 with 3 children. I don’t understand. I’m beyond frustrated with dating apps, dating in general. I haven’t even been on one single date because they can’t get them to respond to my messages. I don’t even say anything crazy. I just say, “How are you?” Occasionally if I’m feeling up for it, I’ll do some sarcastic comment about something on their profile.
That is our discussion for the dating apps. I wanted to bring in a previous discussion into this one about this guy from high school who’s been around, not publicly, but in my head. If you’ve read my episode about telepathy, you have a little background on that situation if it even is a situation, or I’m being stupid. It’s so dumb.
This topic is exhausting because it’s frustrating. I know that there are several other people out there that are going through the same thing that I am. If you want to have a discussion about it one day and tell me your experience with dating apps, please do. Reach out to me. I would love to talk with you and get your experience on dating apps.
I know that everyone’s experience is going to be different, like Melissa’s, when we talk to her. You’ll see that her experience is ten times different than mine. I’m not getting anyone to respond to me but she’s getting people to respond to her, but it’s just not the response that she’s wanting. We’ll get into more detail about that next time.
If anyone wants to hop on, discuss their dating app experience, and maybe you have a successful dating app experience that you want to share, please let me know. I would love to connect with you and have you on so that we can let other people know that dating apps can be successful or total fails. In my experience, dating apps are a total fail but in someone else’s experience, a dating app could be a total success. I want to hear those success stories. Let me know that dating apps don’t have to be a total fail because let’s face it, right now, it’s a total fail. I hope everyone has a great day. Enjoy some sunshine, rain, whatever the weather is doing where you’re at. We’ll catch you next time.